Dearest Readers,
I am writing in a state of shock. The last I heard from my friend Constance, she was on her way to Little Cayman. Today, I was contacted by the FBI. Constance has been kidnapped! Yes, kidnapped. As many of you know, her husband Hubert was on the boards of several companies, including Exxon Mobil and Halliburton. I guess his connections to these companies made Constance an especially attractive victim for the kidnappers, as you can read in the transcript of their ransom note below. This is the shocking part. The terrorist group-- The Hawks of Jondollah Front for Liberation (HJFL) wants ME to transport Constance’s famous Carpathia diamond form New York to Morocco, where I will receive my orders. As I write, my maid Helen is packing my trunks. I will be traveling with a bodyguard from the insurance company, and a member of the FBI. My heart is in my throat. I am too nervous to write more at this time. The HJFL, who is all too aware of Mrs. Van der Loop’s blog, asked that I publish their note below, so here it is. PLEASE pray for Constance! A car is waiting to take us to Teterboro within the hour, from where we will be flying to Fly to Cadiz and then taking the boat across to Morocco, where I will be staying in Rabat. It is there that the HJFL has ordered me to stay until I receive the next orders. I will try to write more from there. Farewell!
Transcript of the HJFL ransom note
To American Fascist Elitist Pigs:
The High prices for crude oil, gasoline and natural gas helped Exxon Mobil Corp. to its highest-ever quarterly profit, $9.92 billion, up 75 percent from the third quarter last year. These profits have come form the blood of thousands of innocent people in the Mid-East. This is only one example of the blind profiteering and colonialism that America is famous for. Furthermore, the Halliburton company holds exclusive military contracts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Halliburton released its fiscal results for 2005, showing profits rose up from a loss of $1.1 billion in 2004 to net profit of $2.4 billion in 2005. Halliburton's KBR revenue for fourth quarter of 2005 decreased 3 percent to $3 billion. Mrs. Van der Loop, we have abducted your friend Constance, and we will hold her until our demands are met.
1) Bring us her famous Carpathian Diamond which we will split up and sell to help injured and homeless Iraqi children.
2) Exxon Mobil will distribute their $9.92 billion profit in checks to individual Iraqi families who have been bombed, injured, lost their homes, or lost their jobs.
3) The Halliburton Company will also distribute their 3 billion dollar profit that they made on the backs of the Iraqi people, to the same Iraqi bombed, injured, homeless and jobless.
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